Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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