am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
