I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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