maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
