So drunk its hurt
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
