she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
