I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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