I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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