So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
His hands were made for my vagina.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
