he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
