I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
