dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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