I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
