I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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