don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
