but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
