can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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