I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
