i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
