you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
