she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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