The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He better not be in your backpack
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
