True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
