I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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