Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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