i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
