I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
