ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
