omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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