R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
