i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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