i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
