I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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