The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
