Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
