As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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