i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
