All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
be right there i have to get my cape
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
