when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
