quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
