I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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