just tell him i said nine months
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
