it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
