If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
