This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You don't make any sense
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