my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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