Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
