Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
