So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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