She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
