i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Boobs are out for the taking
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
